Klein’s camp day 3, last day here

I got a good look at myself in a mirror this morning for the first time in about a week. Yikes. I looked like bag of unshaven dog turds that got smacked in the face with a bag of dog turds. This morning was a late start, around sunrise. We went back into the Serengeti Park. There was not a whole lot to see this morning. The highlight was probably a giant herd of buffalo. They were essentially surrounding us, but never too close to feel surrounded. The herd sprawled out in every direction we looked. The effect of us on the buffalo was like oil and water. The closest we got to any group was about 50 feet. We would drive slowly and the buffalo would part. When we stopped to watch the buffalo, they did the same thing. They stopped shuffling around long enough to watch us. It was a weird sensation having several hundred, maybe thousand, buffalo staring directly at us. At one point they formed a line and watched us, like we were the animals in this situation. I hope they tipped their safari guide to see such amazing humans.

We followed 2 lioness and four lion cubs as they strolled along the riverbank and bed. We drove slowly and watched/followed them for about 20 minutes. It was Wifey’s favorite scene of the day, I agree, pretty cool. They strolled and we followed them. They would go down the bank, into the river, back up the bank, over and over. We drove parallel to the river with them on our right hand side. We would lose site of them for a few seconds while they were at the base of a riverbank, then they would pop up again. Watching the lions leap from bank to bank was impressive. Just like most people in the world I always root for failure, trouble, or chaos. These are the moments that make life interesting and worth living. The lion cubs not making the leaps and falling into the water was hilarious and fulfilling for my dark mind. This was the one time of our trip that it truly felt like observing animals in the wild, not knowing they were being watched.

After the morning drive we went on a walking safari. It is exactly what it sounds like, a walk. We climbed to the top of Kuka Hill, the highest point here in Klein’s Camp. It was an unreal 360-degree view of the valley and mountain on one side, and the Serengeti Park on the other side. Rabine asked us if we wanted to see anything in particular. Without missing a beat Wifey said honey badger. Rabine asked us if we saw the YouTube video. Of course we have. Honey badger gives so few shits that they have even obtained celebrity status in the wilds of East Africa. Awesome.

Once we made it to the top and took the obligatory photos, the topic of dung spitting came up. I made sure to let the guides know that I was the current reigning world champion of dung spitting. Rabine said he could take me down, no problem. I was worried that maybe all my bragging was in vain and that I was allowed to win last year, since I was the tourist. Not the case. I am definitely the greatest dung spitter to grace this planet. Jimmy vs. Rabine, only 1 man can win, it played out exactly how it should. There is video proof that will long outlive Rabine or myself. Bore yourself with that video HERE. It has to be unheard of for a foreign white boy to be so amazing at dung spitting. Word got around camp pretty quickly. Two-time world dung spitting champion, I am having a belt made.

After winning and wandering around the top of Kuka Hill for a while we started to circle back and head down. A giant herd of zebra came by. They were a bit off in the distance, maybe 100 feet. It was crazy to see this giant herd up at the top of the hill. We sat and watched them graze for a few minutes and then something startled them. As they ran off, away from us, the ground shook below our feet. It was surreal to hear and feel the rumbling in our ears, our entire bodies, and below our feet. Something only an IMAX experience in Disney could simulate.

On the walk down we were getting pop quizzes on which piles of shit belonged to which animals. As a team Wifey and I were pretty good. We came across one mound of crap that looked like bone. Turns out it was hyena poop. Rabine gave us the hint that it looked like bone because it was so calcified from chewing on bones. Wifey made the educated guess of hyena, and was awarded a gold star. Some animals eat the hyena poo-poo platters for the calcium, like turtles to harden their shells. Once hearing that, it was like a signal that I immediately needed some calcium in my system. I did just get finished having former impala food in my mouth, what’s the big deal? I wanted to see if it felt like bone as much as it looked like bone. I reached down and Rabine stopped my quickly. Rabine said that hyena crap contains anthrax, so no touching. I go from one poop in my mouth to not being able to touch another because of anthrax. Just another normal day.

Elephants over the mountains

When we got back to our room there were elephants just off our front porch, within 30 feet. We watched them for a while, took some photos, and hoped not to get trampled. It was beautiful watching a large herd of elephants just mosey their way through our view. They were so close, somewhere between scary and mesmerizingly close.

We went out for a night game drive that was a bit uneventful. The sundowner time was amazing and made up for any lack of animal sightings. There was a surprise campfire in the middle of the bush. We were too early arriving at the campfire site, so Rabine drove us behind some tree line and faked that the truck broke down and would not start again. I could see in the distance what looked like a setup with fire and chairs, but they were not quite done setting up. This is when Rabine diverted us to the imaginary breakdown location. He had us get out and push the truck to get it jumpstarted. He really committed to the bit. A few minutes later there was a call over the radio and Rabine was alerted they were ready, in Swahili of course, so we didn’t understand. They may have been saying the pot of boiling water was ready to cook whitey. So off we went for some drinks and snacks around a giant campfire in the middle of the bush. Another safe activity brought to you by the East Africa Tourism Board.

After sundown it was time for the drive out and back. The only animal we actually saw was the smallest of the antelope family, the dik-dik. Wifey and I had a discussion earlier in the trip just in case this exact situation came up. I gave her a great line to use, but when the time to use the line arose, she choked. It was a good line too, I am done being a comedy write for her pro bono. Back to the room for another surprise, candlelight dinner for just us two on our porch. It was delicious and romantic. The only thing we did not like was chicken liver pate. We did not like it but did not want to waste it either, so we threw it off the porch for the animals to have. We were really embarrassed and torn between wasting the food and not wanting them to know we did not like it. About the time we tossed the food overboard we noticed that a Maasai Warrior had been standing guard of us the entire time. We still can’t decide if he had been there the entire time or did he just show up because we wasted the food and we were being disciplined. Guess we will never know.

Most of the newest pictures are HERE. Some we really like.

Amazing panorama shot