Can you believe this is the same person in all of these pictures? In the top pictures he looks to be the smoothest, most hip fella, soaring through the air with the grace of an eagle. However, in the other he looks like an absolute degenerate with no table manners and the common sense of a bag of burnt dog turds. I promise you though, this is the same human being in all pictures. Somehow he has invented the long sought after spaghetti sandwich. I have no idea how we have existed this long as a species without the creation of the spaghetti sandwich. He has somehow taken the cumbersome act of eating spaghetti and made it even more of an awkward, clumsy hassle.

This young man’s name is Nick, he is a fine upstanding democrat. Wife and I both agree that he is one of the nicest kids we have ever met. Knowing him partially negates my experimental concept of abolishing all burdensome children from the planet.

www.nicksspaghettisandwich.com

The Carnival is officially under way. Made it into Colorado yesterday unscathed, without delay, and arms full of caramel apples. Needless to say, I’ve got a sour belly. But that is not going to stop us from dashing to the slopes this morning. We are about to brave some of the worst and most dangerous conditions the locals have seen in years. Because of the lack of snowfall there are bare spots and rocks jutting out. Then we told them we are from the east coast and they said we would be just fine and feel at home.

Hopefully the sun snow will come out. I can’t believe this is really only a day away!

We just got back from finalizing our estate planning. Since I was going to be away for a possibly extended period of time, Wife thought it might be a good idea. I am going on record right now to say that if anything mysterious happens to me in the near future I want her questioned immediately 😉 First the “OK” to travel cross-country without a mountain dog for safety, then a gun, now updates to my will. This is playing out like a bad Agatha Christie novel.

Looks like there may be a major overhaul to the calendar. The snow is not happening anywhere yet. So far this winter has had a preposterously small amount of snowfall for the entire country…nothing this bad since the 1800’s, at least that is what I was told by one of my heroes. I may have to abandon the ‘Colorado for January’ plan unless something changes in the near future. British Columbia Canada and Jackson Hole, Wyoming seem to be the only 2 places I am tracking that are getting any significant snowfall. There is still plenty of time, but something has got to happen soon.

Luckily for me the complete freedom for revision is one of my favorite aspects of Winter Carnival 2012!

After months of searching and waiting, the new Chariot of the Carnival has finally arrived. It’s fully equipped with 4 wheel drive for life threatening mountain passes, navigator so I can safely traverse from settlement to settlement, a backup camera so I don’t run over children, all-weather floor mats for filth and french fries, and a steering wheel. As you can see Chevy has done their part, they are an official sponsor of the Winter Carnival 2012 crusade. I feel pretty stupid and immature for putting these stickers on my new car, but I have been told those are 2 of my finest and most useless super-powers.

Oh yea, Merry Christmas and GO PACK GO!

But don’t think for a SECOND that my family is not protected. Anyone that knows me knows that I offer very little protection anyway. Now my family FINALLY contains a bad-ass  gun wielding hot mama.

Well under 2 weeks until embarkation day for my journey. I can hardly believe how the time flies. My gear seems to have started living the carnie life before me. Regardless of what I am able to do in the next few weeks, if I’m able to pull off this pipe dream of mine or not, my snowboard is on it’s way to Colorado. Bon voyage, farewell, I bid you adieu.

I don’t know if I can actually go away. I turn my back for a few minutes and find 3 of my top paid guys rummaging through the dumpster. I’m not sure what they were looking for, but I guess this is better than catching them pantsless behind the dumpster. 

Most of my day was spent gearing up and getting ready to be traveling for a long time. Packing, organizing, cleaning, tidying, and preparing are how my day was spent. One of the things I did was get a new helmet cam set up. I still have some tweaks to work out and need to optimize the mounting, but I do believe that in the process of today I may have invented the worlds newest and most outstanding first-person shooter game. I haven’t been approached about selling the rights to this game yet, but I am open to offers.

I realize this is not the talent level of Bennie and the Jets, but that is no reason to not be proud of my creative and inspired team. And the answer to everyone’s question is YES, many neighbors saw me running around in the back yard like a lunatic wearing a helmet and goggles playing Frisbee. It is probably exactly what the kid on your block with no friends looked like after he saw Tron the first time.

My darling friend Bradford sent the video below to me. It is short, under 2 minutes, and an easy watch. I am guessing that if my winter plans had any real thought, organization, or planning it would look something like this:

I’d have built a trailer on wheels if I had any friends. Traveling solo does not warrant a truly mobile home. Watching this over and over gives me hope that WC2013 could be a far-reaching and life-altering escapade. Either that, or I’ll simply follow the travel model set by the Griswolds, European Carnival 2013.

Just in case anyone did not know already, and was curious what exactly a Bradford is, here he is, captured at what can only be described as his happiest moment:

GO PACK GO!!

There was some steady action happening in Carnival Land yesterday. Stopped and picked up some supplies for trekking around the mountains.         

This was after being treated to a fantastic free lunch from a lovely Japanese lady. Never know when I might need to shovel myself out of a snow bank, bury a body, get ice off my windows, or beat a hobo off the hood of my car. It also looks like there might be some itinerary changes. I was offered another place in Colorado at the end of January. Updates were made to the calendar in case anyone needed to make flight arrangements. Just a reminder, all Carnival guests get a Complimentary Carnival Caravan to and from the closest airport. I was going to quote “cash, grass, or ass…no one rides for free”, but then I remembered my wife has this new gun, see…

On a different note I found out that The Simpsons made a JR Ewing reference in the last episode. Seems a little fishy to me. This is not the first time I have suspected that show and their writers of stalking the Winter Carnival 2012 website. Come on Simpsons, you are better than that.

Carnival time…what did you actually expect it to say here? Of course Christmas is also just around the corner. As everyone already knows, there is no happier and joyous time of the year for me, which is why I was bestowed the nickname Christmas Jimmy. Most people know that I celebrate a much lesser observed holiday known as Winter Carnival. Christmas Jimmy is simply a nickname of convenience for others. Regardless, it is a time of year for celebration, joy, avoidance of family, festivity, and gluttony. My office is decorated with all the festive ornaments that symbolize Winter Carnival. There is a baby jesus in his manger sitting on one of my desks. Next to him is a paper clip holder. Across the desk from there is a yamaka that I use to keep the lid safely on top of my cigar jar humidor. I also have a picture of my dead dog and some granola bars. It is fairly obvious that this season really brings out the best in everyone, especially me.

Happy Winter Carnival to all!